Change of Plans

Well, the last three months have brought with them many things...

Here, writing in this blog, I do not intend to put on the facade I have been trying to maintain in almost every other area of my life. Disclaimer: This post might be over-sharing... But to put it simply, without going into unnecessary detail, last year around this time, I went through an incredibly traumatic experience. Unfortunately, this trauma was basically extended, and it continued into December. What to say about this? Frankly, it has changed my life.

Over the last three months, I hit a low of unprecedented proportions in my life. I wasn't even functioning at one point. I wasn't going to my classes, I didn't want to go to work but I did (gotta pay rent somehow, right?), I distanced myself from friends and family, and I started backing out of my activities in the honors program and with the GRC. The trauma I had experienced was taking over my life.

So I made the decision to try to get some help. I reached out to a professor I've had a few times who is also my academic adviser for my English major when I missed his class for about three weeks straight towards the end of last semester. And he recommended that I get in touch with the Dean of Students. I didn't. I thought I could deal with it. I didn't want anyone else to know.

But over the break between semesters, things just got worse. I can't describe with words the way I felt, but it was agonizing. I would've given anything to just disappear forever. But one day, I was driving (I forget where), and I just desperately wanted, needed someone to help. So I went to the Dean of Students office. Why there? Because it was the first place that popped into my head because of my professor's advice. Long story short, they helped. They connected me with the counseling center, and now I'm working through what's happened.

Now that I'm not feeling like the living dead anymore, I feel like I can write about other things that are going on. A lot of things have changed since my last post...

First off, I am still pursuing writing my honors thesis in some sort of ESL curriculum for the Global Refugee Center. However, it seems I probably won't be going to Lithuania with ILP next semester. Nor will I be going to the Philippines. Yeah, to be blunt, that kind of sucks. I was really looking forward to it, but some other things have happened, and it just doesn't look possible financially right now. On the bright side, staying here next semester gives me more time to get the last of my classes in next academic year. Also, I've recently applied for admission into both Sigma Tao Delta (the English honor society) and the McNair Scholars Program, and it'll be good to stay and be active in those programs. Last but not least, I start facilitating with Soliya on Tuesday!! I am very excited for this opportunity.

Ultimately, lots of things have changed... Well, you just gotta roll with the frosting! (inside joke)

“I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go, things go wrong so that you appreciate them when they're right, you believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together.”

Accidental Lie

My last post (way back on September 18) said I would write more on Saturday. I didn't mean to lie, I promise! If you could see my planner (the little book that holds my life together), you might understand. Page after page of little cramped handwriting means a very busy life.

But anyway, here's a few updates, in the order listed in my previous post, for anyone interested:

-We're back in session at the Global Refugee Center!

 Things are going great at the GRC. This is our sixth week.

It would be fantastic to get more volunteers, but we're making do with who we have for now. The first week was full of tiny people crying for their parents, but now they're used to being in the day care.
I love these kiddos. But I think they know they have me wrapped around their fingers!






-My Basic Training for Soliya has ended... Advanced Training started today!!
I learned a lot in my basic training, but it was only about 6 meetings. I enjoyed getting the chance to practice facilitating, and I think I did alright.
I actually just finished my very first advanced training session. Let me tell you, it is great to have a training session a little later in the day and not one that starts before the sun is up!! Seems like I have a great group! Nine more weeks and I just may be invited to be a facilitator in the spring. Regardless, I'm learning a lot and enjoying the experience.




-Volunteered at a study abroad/world expo event on campus... I want to go somewhere asap! 
So here's a little problem... I was at this event and looking around and the Center for International Eduction coordination says, "You want to go again, don't you?" Well of course I do!! I think I'm a bit addicted to travel... Anyway, I've already made peace with the whole 5 year plan instead of the 4 year for my undergrad degree. One of those years was community college, and not all of my classes counted. Then I was a bit mixed up with my major. Upon figuring it all out and deciding on a double major in English and International Affairs and a double minor in Business Administration and Cultural Anthropology, I decided 5 years was acceptable. And I have been killing myself ever since. The fact that this past summer I took 15 credit hours and now I'm taking 20 is a testament to that. I have something like an internship lined up for next fall, so I won't be taking many classes then (I'm thinking between none and 1-2 online). UNC has this requirement that the last... I think it's 90 credits of the undergrad must be completed at UNC. So, if I study abroad again, I add time to my undergrad and may be looking at a 6 year plan. Oh, but it may be worth it! Considering it... Offer advice if you have any!

Now, last but not least...


-I got my official acceptance to teach abroad next fall!
I will be teaching English at the Vilnius school in Vilnius, Lithuania through ILP!! Yep. See? I knew I'd go back!


Now, I do have some other thoughts I've been wanting to post about, but that's all for now... I'm going to try my hardest to post again within the next week, but no promises! :)