Shaken Foundation

I feel like I should preface this post with a cautionary note... I know some of my readers are closely tied to some of the things I'll be discussing, so I just want to say, I'm sharing my thoughts, and if they offend you, feel free to take it up with me. However, I will not apologize for the personal thoughts I share here.



Last year at this time, I was in turmoil about my true spiritual/religious beliefs. The ground upon which I thought myself to be firmly planted was suddenly shaken, and everything - yes, everything - was uncertain. To help you understand just how much my world was shaken, I'll give some background.

I was raised "in church." Let me be more specific. I was raised in a United Pentecostal Church (UPC). We had church on Sunday morning, Sunday night, and Wednesday night. As I got older, I also participated in prayer meetings on Mondays, Bible studies on Tuesdays, youth service on Fridays, and Bible quizzing on Saturdays. Yeah, that's a lot of church. No, I never minded it.

If you don't know about the UPC, let me try to briefly share some... This gets difficult, because I think you see it very differently from the inside out than from the outside in, and I feel like I can see it both ways, at least to some extent. So, let me try to do both... From the outside in, I'm sure it looks pretty strange. They (especially the women) look different because of some physical standards they observe. They act differently in church service and are very open, even "crazy" with their worship. Further, they may tend to seem very exclusive, arrogant even. Now, from the inside out, we are adamant and unwavering in our beliefs. We believe exactly what the Bible says, and we include the whole thing, not just bits and pieces. We want everyone to experience the wonderful truth we know.

That whole thing about including the whole thing, not just bits and pieces... I'm not so sure... Somewhere, it seems like we've forgotten that first and greatest commandment and the second one, which is pretty important too...

Master, which is the great commandment in the law?

Jesus said unto him, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind.

This is the first and great commandment.

And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself.

On these two commandments hang all the law and the prophets.

 

But, I never saw that before. I was raised this way, and I didn't see anything else until I was 18 years old and moved away to go to college. Now, in the UPC there is this stigma about going to college and leaving "the church." I didn't do that. I got my pastor's permission, and I moved about 70 miles north to go to the University of Northern Colorado. And when I went, I went to another UPC church out there. So what changed? Nothing at first. But (and this actually goes along with the stigma), the more I learned, the more open minded I became, the more a grew... the less I felt the strong conviction that had tied me to "the church" all along. These were my convictions too, not things which were forced upon me. A lot of the "young people" are in church because their parents make them go. I never had that. My parents were raised in the same church I was raised in, but they never went when I was growing up.

I personally was deeply convinced of everything I believed and was convicted that we had the one true way of salvation. I based my life on this set of beliefs. My entire world view was determined by them. Well, a lot changed for me... You have to see that when this foundation was shaken, it changed everything. I didn't understand anything, and my life was definitely characterized by an atmosphere of dazed, lost confusion.




I'm going to leave it at that for now... I feel like this subject will take several posts, and I know right now with this first one, it doesn't necessarily seem to relate to the topic of the blog. But I'll continue these thoughts with the next post...

Quick Update!

Just some quick news:

• I got accepted into Sigma Tau Delta (International English Honor Society)
• I also got accepted into the McNair Scholars Program
• I'm definitely not going to the Philippines( or I would be there right now)
• I'm also not going to Lithuania
• I've been facilitating for Soliya for 6 weeks

I'm really wanting to post about some different "global"/"international"/"intercultural" issues that I've been learning about and researching lately, so I think the focus of this blog might kind of shift in that direction.

Change of Plans

Well, the last three months have brought with them many things...

Here, writing in this blog, I do not intend to put on the facade I have been trying to maintain in almost every other area of my life. Disclaimer: This post might be over-sharing... But to put it simply, without going into unnecessary detail, last year around this time, I went through an incredibly traumatic experience. Unfortunately, this trauma was basically extended, and it continued into December. What to say about this? Frankly, it has changed my life.

Over the last three months, I hit a low of unprecedented proportions in my life. I wasn't even functioning at one point. I wasn't going to my classes, I didn't want to go to work but I did (gotta pay rent somehow, right?), I distanced myself from friends and family, and I started backing out of my activities in the honors program and with the GRC. The trauma I had experienced was taking over my life.

So I made the decision to try to get some help. I reached out to a professor I've had a few times who is also my academic adviser for my English major when I missed his class for about three weeks straight towards the end of last semester. And he recommended that I get in touch with the Dean of Students. I didn't. I thought I could deal with it. I didn't want anyone else to know.

But over the break between semesters, things just got worse. I can't describe with words the way I felt, but it was agonizing. I would've given anything to just disappear forever. But one day, I was driving (I forget where), and I just desperately wanted, needed someone to help. So I went to the Dean of Students office. Why there? Because it was the first place that popped into my head because of my professor's advice. Long story short, they helped. They connected me with the counseling center, and now I'm working through what's happened.

Now that I'm not feeling like the living dead anymore, I feel like I can write about other things that are going on. A lot of things have changed since my last post...

First off, I am still pursuing writing my honors thesis in some sort of ESL curriculum for the Global Refugee Center. However, it seems I probably won't be going to Lithuania with ILP next semester. Nor will I be going to the Philippines. Yeah, to be blunt, that kind of sucks. I was really looking forward to it, but some other things have happened, and it just doesn't look possible financially right now. On the bright side, staying here next semester gives me more time to get the last of my classes in next academic year. Also, I've recently applied for admission into both Sigma Tao Delta (the English honor society) and the McNair Scholars Program, and it'll be good to stay and be active in those programs. Last but not least, I start facilitating with Soliya on Tuesday!! I am very excited for this opportunity.

Ultimately, lots of things have changed... Well, you just gotta roll with the frosting! (inside joke)

“I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go, things go wrong so that you appreciate them when they're right, you believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together.”

Why, Hello Again!

Well, I haven't written anything since October. This past semester ate me alive. With 20 credit hours, 2 jobs, my AmeriCorps work at the Global Refugee Center, my Soliya training, and all of the church things I'm involved in... where has the time gone?!

Nevertheless, here's a little summary of life in my world lately...

My work at the Global Refugee Center is going amazingly well! I cannot even describe to you how much of my heart each of my little people have. They are wonderful, special little darlings, and I adore every one of them!

To the right is a picture of a few of our kiddos (Reyubeni aka Batman, Julie, Valeria, Rosemary, Sae Meh, and Lex) and some of my wonderful volunteers (Marcus, Krista, Brittany, and Martin).







In November, I got the opportunity to represent the Global Refugee Center at the Engaged Scholars' Symposium at UNC. I was so excited and nervous about it! I ended up getting to have two tables side by side, one for the GRC and one featuring my project there, the Little Learners! It was such an honor to get to represent the GRC in the poster board presentation part of the symposium.

If that wasn't enough, I also got to help Tsigereda, the case manager at the GRC, represent the GRC at the round table discussions.

Also, I will be doing my honors' thesis as an applied project at the GRC. This is going to be a ton of work, but I am so excited for it! After attending a training session for the International Language Program, I had the idea that a method similar to the one they use might really help our beginner ESL students at the GRC. I'll post more about this topic later!

In other news, I just completed my Soliya Advanced Facilitator Training. It was truly an amazing experience. This is definitely a program I believe in and fully support, and it is so great to get to be a part of it! I could be facilitating in the spring! We shall see!

Last piece of news: a youth pastor of a church in the Philippines that is associated with my church contacted me recently to see if I would come to help with their youth camp! I am beyond excited for this, and I'm desperately hoping I'll be able to go! If so, I'd be there for a week in April. Hope and pray with me that it'll happen!

Until next time...

~~~I don't know where I'm going from here, but I promise it won't be boring~~~

Accidental Lie

My last post (way back on September 18) said I would write more on Saturday. I didn't mean to lie, I promise! If you could see my planner (the little book that holds my life together), you might understand. Page after page of little cramped handwriting means a very busy life.

But anyway, here's a few updates, in the order listed in my previous post, for anyone interested:

-We're back in session at the Global Refugee Center!

 Things are going great at the GRC. This is our sixth week.

It would be fantastic to get more volunteers, but we're making do with who we have for now. The first week was full of tiny people crying for their parents, but now they're used to being in the day care.
I love these kiddos. But I think they know they have me wrapped around their fingers!






-My Basic Training for Soliya has ended... Advanced Training started today!!
I learned a lot in my basic training, but it was only about 6 meetings. I enjoyed getting the chance to practice facilitating, and I think I did alright.
I actually just finished my very first advanced training session. Let me tell you, it is great to have a training session a little later in the day and not one that starts before the sun is up!! Seems like I have a great group! Nine more weeks and I just may be invited to be a facilitator in the spring. Regardless, I'm learning a lot and enjoying the experience.




-Volunteered at a study abroad/world expo event on campus... I want to go somewhere asap! 
So here's a little problem... I was at this event and looking around and the Center for International Eduction coordination says, "You want to go again, don't you?" Well of course I do!! I think I'm a bit addicted to travel... Anyway, I've already made peace with the whole 5 year plan instead of the 4 year for my undergrad degree. One of those years was community college, and not all of my classes counted. Then I was a bit mixed up with my major. Upon figuring it all out and deciding on a double major in English and International Affairs and a double minor in Business Administration and Cultural Anthropology, I decided 5 years was acceptable. And I have been killing myself ever since. The fact that this past summer I took 15 credit hours and now I'm taking 20 is a testament to that. I have something like an internship lined up for next fall, so I won't be taking many classes then (I'm thinking between none and 1-2 online). UNC has this requirement that the last... I think it's 90 credits of the undergrad must be completed at UNC. So, if I study abroad again, I add time to my undergrad and may be looking at a 6 year plan. Oh, but it may be worth it! Considering it... Offer advice if you have any!

Now, last but not least...


-I got my official acceptance to teach abroad next fall!
I will be teaching English at the Vilnius school in Vilnius, Lithuania through ILP!! Yep. See? I knew I'd go back!


Now, I do have some other thoughts I've been wanting to post about, but that's all for now... I'm going to try my hardest to post again within the next week, but no promises! :)

Quick Update!

So much to share!!

-We're back in session at the Global Refugee Center!
-My basic training for Soliya has ended and advanced training will begin soon...
-I'm loving my classes this semester (most of them anyway).
-Volunteered at a study abroad/world expo event on campus... I want to go somewhere asap!
-I got my official acceptance to teach abroad next fall!

I don't have much time to tell about these things now, but I plan on writing more about all this on Saturday!!

4AM

It was about 10:00 last night when I realized I had to drive to Denver. Yeah, I wasn't too excited.... Monday evening I was in Denver for a family dinner for my cousin who left yesterday to go to Bible college in California (bye Melly!!). I drove back up to Greeley Tuesday (yesterday) morning, got the the Global Refugee Center by 9:00, worked until about 2:45, went to a physical assessment (for my job with ABC doing before and after school care) at 3:30 (although I didn't get seen until after 4:00), went to a Universal Precautions, CPR, and First Aid class at 6:00, got done a little after 9:00, rushed to Starbucks to write a paper, and finished by 10:00 when they close. I don't have internet in my apartment in Greeley yet, so it was then that I realized there was no way I could log in to Soliya for my first facilitation training meeting the next morning (Did I even mention that I'm doing facilitator training for Soliya??). To Denver! I got to my grandparents' house a little after 11:00, got to bed by midnight, and work up at 3:30am to get ready for my 4:00am session. So I am tired!!

My trainers' names are Jo and Katharina. In the group training for facilitator positions with me are Marielle, Maaike, Robb, and Joe. While I have to admit, I am excited about continuing my involvement with Soliya, it is another thing to do. I'm working hard to balance my schedule, but we'll see how this next semester goes. I'm definitely nervous about it. Still, our session today went very well. We talked about why facilitators are necessary, what they bring to the table, and what their purpose is.

When I think about facilitation in this context, I think of someone who forms a bridge between people, who brings them together, who creates a safe place where they can try to understand each other. Excuse my terrible drawing to the right, but I wanted to find a way to show you all what I have in mind. This is not to say that facilitators have all the answers or are at perfect peace, but there's just something about being able to respect and accept others' thoughts and beliefs even if you don't necessarily agree with them.

I'm really looking forward to this opportunity training with Soliya. I can't wait to see how it helps me grow personally and what I can offer to others through it.